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What exactly is the difference between a male and a female? Are we physically different or mentally different? We all have two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth. We all have a brain, but somehow we use it differently and think different things. Here are a few things that I had found on the internet earlier. It's not only funny, but it's true. (The following do not apply to all men and women, but stereotypically most of them.)
MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
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FINDINGS #1
1. NAMES
-If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
-If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. MONEY
-A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
-A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
3. BATHROOMS
-A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
-The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. (A man would not be able to identify most of these items.)
4. ARGUMENTS
-A woman has the last word in any argument.
-Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
5. FUTURE
-A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
-A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
6. SUCCESS
-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
-A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
7. MARRIAGE
-A woman marries a man expecting he will change,but he doesn't.
-A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
8. DRESSING UP
-A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail
-A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
9. NATURAL
-Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
-Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
10. OFFSPRING (Ah, children.)
-A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
-A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
11. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY...
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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Women act differently from men. We act smartly and do things only after having to have thought over it, while men do things to save "face" and and act cool around their friends. For example, if a group of women were to go out and eat, they would pay separate bills and wait for their change. As for men, if their meal was $22 each person, each man would take out 2 twenty dollar bills because they don't have anything smaller and won't admit they want change back.
One thing's for sure. No women likes a man who acts differently in front of them when they're alone and when they're with their friends. (Remember that boys!)
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FINDINGS #2
WOMEN AND MEN BASED ON OBJECTS
1.Hammer - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around
2.Kidneys - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
3.Ziploc Bags - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
4.Web Page - female, because it is always getting hit on.
FINDINGS #1
1. NAMES
-If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
-If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. MONEY
-A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
-A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
3. BATHROOMS
-A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
-The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. (A man would not be able to identify most of these items.)
4. ARGUMENTS
-A woman has the last word in any argument.
-Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
5. FUTURE
-A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
-A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
6. SUCCESS
-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
-A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
7. MARRIAGE
-A woman marries a man expecting he will change,but he doesn't.
-A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
8. DRESSING UP
-A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail
-A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
9. NATURAL
-Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
-Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
10. OFFSPRING (Ah, children.)
-A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
-A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
11. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY...
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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Women act differently from men. We act smartly and do things only after having to have thought over it, while men do things to save "face" and and act cool around their friends. For example, if a group of women were to go out and eat, they would pay separate bills and wait for their change. As for men, if their meal was $22 each person, each man would take out 2 twenty dollar bills because they don't have anything smaller and won't admit they want change back.
One thing's for sure. No women likes a man who acts differently in front of them when they're alone and when they're with their friends. (Remember that boys!)
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FINDINGS #2
WOMEN AND MEN BASED ON OBJECTS
1.Hammer - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around
2.Kidneys - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
3.Ziploc Bags - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
4.Web Page - female, because it is always getting hit on.
5.Subway - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
6.Hourglass - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.
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FINDINGS #3
Element Name: WOMAN
6.Hourglass - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.
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FINDINGS #3
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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FINDINGS #4
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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FINDINGS #4WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = Hell no.
We need = I want.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
You're so .... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.
MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now.
What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'll take you to a nice restaurant and then I'd like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next ten minutes.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
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